Motto: my potty mouth will make you sorry you reared your ugly, buck-toothed, fat head from your bloated mamma's pimpled, greasy, yeast-infested pissflaps. heh heh heh...and i smell funny too.
Turn-ons: angst-ridden teenage rednecks in phat jeans and wifebeaters, miniature donkeys, the surgery channel, absolute obsession, midgets in bondage gear, kindergardeners, dorks, nerds, anyone who probably got beaten up in high school, savage aural penetrations, stalkers, farm animals (so DIRTY), cyber transformations, interior decorating....
Turn-offs: feminism, interrupting, tv, perfection, chick flicks, responsibility, steven segall/fabio/baldwin/nicholas cage wannabes, dumb people, yuppies/businesswo/men/the rich/people who go to the tanner/fratboys, censorship, prudes, religion, art fags, romance, monkeys, scsi, reality, posers, chewing with your mouth open or making any sorta' gross sound when you're eating, political activists...
Wildest Moment: well, he never quite recovered. actually, he's in a mental institution now. all of them are, or have been as a result. i didn't mean it, ya know? the situation just called for me to "up" the intensity notch a bit, so i did. i can't help it if people can't handle messy's orgiastic apocalypse parties. god, just leave me alone!!
Wildest Fantasy: um...lessee...it would involve me, the redneck psycho in the movie kalifornia (or the tattooed freakshow in the movie snatch), a donkey and midget (see "turn-ons"), guns, poetic terrorism, cops, a bloodstained mattress in a dimly-lit alley, illegal substances, fabulous outfits, and lots freely exchanged bodily fluids.
Best Physical Feature: the ability to beat you ruthlessly into a pathetic pile of willingness on the floor at my feet.
Marital Status: widower - and don't even ASK how many times.